Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Echoing Halo's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, October 19th, 2006
7:36 pm	heres the breakdown Greed: Medium   Gluttony: Medium   Wrath: Very High   Sloth: Medium   Envy: High   Lust: Very Low   Pride: High   The Seven Deadly Sins Quiz on 4degreez.com (Give a Damn)
Sunday, October 15th, 2006
6:15 pm	the walls that surround me the bars made of steel cold to the touch distant but real i just wanted to hold you for you to be true the last time i saw you it hurt to be used...........my mind wonders yet again...and onto the place of unfinished work this shall go... damnit to hell anyways gina...why in hell did you have to go and do this to yourself...you were in the bloody clear...you were free of all that had embedded you...damnit anyways...DAMNIT ANYWAYS!!!! the lesson here isnt clear nor obvious...we were the 7 deadly sins together...glutony...lust...greed...sloth...envy...pride...and the one im most guilty of...wrath...anyone who got in my way felt the presence...and knew well enough to get out of the way...but her...she was my equal in too many ways..but my wrath was too much for her...she thought she could manipulate me into something better...but well...no...wrath being my high sin and pride comming in a close second...its a deadly combo...the only sin i lack in is lust...ive never been one to persue... enough..i need to be gone...theres too much to think about...not enough time...never enough time... Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: Threee Days Grace - Pain (Give a Damn)
Friday, October 13th, 2006
2:11 am	pain without love cause id rather feel pain than nothing at all... the past few days ive been really trying hard to get things straight in my mind...but the more i try to justify what happened the more it rips me apart inside...ya know? i dont...im lost...confused...and hurting inside...but only becaise i led someone i love to destruction of their entire life...im not trying to wallow in this..im just trying to justify somehow what i did...its not like i meant for this to happen...i was comming back damnit...she knew that...if i never left she would be fine though...i dunno...back to reality... (Give a Damn)
Thursday, October 5th, 2006
4:30 am	Vindicated well, heres the deal, i fucked up...how bad...well...read on... i was working for a company that liked to skrew people over hardcore style...im not just sayin that...all comanies do to a point..but this was rediculous...i had to actually make calls to human resources and such to get my promotion...a spot which was left empty for 8 months that i had been begging for...but because one guy diddnt like my work i was stuffed in the shitter... well, it was me and my boss...started out all right...then things got interesting...we were sitting at work one night, having a late night, got some beer and were just talking...things got a little more serious when she looked at me and just kissed me...i was shocked...i mean i never would have though...but i had forgotten what i was talking about..she just said continue...and i couldnt... so theres where it all started...now heres the background info... her name, irrelivant... she has a boyfriend...2 kids... everything to loose and the world to gain... then theres me...i had nothing to loose...not anymore, not since i moved in the first place...but i got over it quick enough...it was soely about work...and noone worked harder or longer hours than i did...i was pullin close to 120 a week...nobody else had the drive...i just wanted to see things get done...i was exhausted sure...but noone else would even seem to try... anyways...we started seeing eachother...had been for about 6 months...then we started fighting... not your pity fight...it was my fault too...i was getting possessive...always wanted her time...always wanted her around...i became codependant...im looking back on it now...i was an ideot...in all my relationships...i was the same damned way... anyways...she pissed me off one night...so anything that we held sacred i threw to the trash...well, maybe not...but i called some authorities...the district managers...they said there would be an investigation into the matter..i felt so guilty after that...but what could i do...i know what i did was wrong in the eyes of many...and right in the eyes of others...but i quit my job...she was a theif and a liar...she had cheated the company out of a lot...and well...someone finally knew...the burden wasnt on me...so i thought... a few days go by...and i end up calling back leaving voice mails saying that she was a great boss and knew what she was doing and yada yada...i knew i was doing the wrong thing...trying to fix it... then it happened again...she goes out of her way to destroy my image...never knowing what i had said in the first place...or at least i thought it was her...i never really knew...i had called district back saying i would testify if asked... thats when the guilt really happened...i had to tell her...so i did...i appologized for being rash...let her know i was sorry, and told her the steps she would need to take to protect herself... i had called district back yet another time...i would do anything to vindicate her at this point..i had demoralized myself making myself look as though i was the pathetic looser...as i was...just to set her free... the investigation went through as planned however...and there was no proof of any kind that would have led to her loosing her job...i was greatful...however she had called the next morning to tell me she hated me...i accepted that...for what i put her through...yhea... about 10pm that night i get another phone call...it was from one of my employees...my girl was in jail...and she wasnt gonna get out for a long time... from what i hear...i dont know the story to a "T" but she was drunk, driving on a suspended license...got in an accident and fled the scene...then got into a fight with someone yada yada...well...she ended up in jail...and because she was on probation for a previous driving while suspended she got hit bigtime for violations... now here i sit...knowing that part of it is all my fault...i left her...i left and things fell apart...shes in jail for up to a year...no chance of getting out on good behavior...i did all i could to vindicate her...and she does this...ive talked to her a few times since...shes going in friday...scares me shitless...she wanted me to write...so i will...and i will go see her...though im 2000 miles away at the moment...but...for what its worth...im good...ill be fine...for her, i feel sorry as crap...in everyone elses eyes i did all could...im not asking to be judged...i just wish there was more i could do... by the way, for all those that are still with this...well, that wanna see how im doing...i dont care who you are, all is forgiven, ive come a long way...my number is 850-340-1942 (florida #) but give me a call whoever you are, im sure i can find time to talk to the people who helped mold my past...ill be in michigan for the next 3 weeks or so...take care... Current Mood: restless Current Music: Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated (Give a Damn)
Saturday, December 25th, 2004
6:12 pm	i can hear what your thinking... all your doubts and fears... and if you look in my eyes in time youll find the reason im here and in time all things shall pass away in time you may come back some day livin in the smoke or die once more in time your time will be no more you know our days are numbered count em one by one like notches in the handle of an outlaws gun you can outrun the devil..if you try but youll never outrun the hands of time in time theyll surly come again in time all things shall pass away in time you may come back some say to live once more or die once more but in time your time will be no more i can hear what your thinking... crappy christmas...chrappy christmas...no liquor...no beer...gotta work tomorrow morning...and it all blows... well, at least i got smokes...err...well...a few...i gotta go get some more apparently... im tired...and as the wings of an angel brush against me...i realize that im not alone...and in fact...shes always here...as im always there...strange...no...something though.... "i can only outrun the devil for so long..." ~Scotty Current Mood: blah Current Music: Rick Travino - she cant say i diddent cry (1 Huh | Give a Damn)
1:54 pm	Holy Water somewhere theres a stolen halo i used to watch her wear it well everthing would shine wherever she would go but lookin at her know you could never tell someone ran away with her innocense a memory she cant get out of her head but i can only imagine what shes fellin when shes prayin kneelin at the edge of her bed and she says take me away and take me farther surround me now...and hold and hold and hold me like holy water she wants someone to call her angel someone to put the light back in her eyes shes lookin the faces and unfarmiliar places she needs someone to hear her when she cries and she says take me away and take me farther surround me now...and hold and hold and hold me like holy water she just needs a little help to waxsh away the pain shes felt she wants to feel the healin hands of someone who understands and she says take me away and take me farther surround me now...and hold hold hold me she says take me away and take me farther surround me now and hold hold hold me like holy water like holy water...like holy water...like holy water... its funny...when me and this girl talk...are traits match up...perhaps not to a T...but our paths crossed for a reason... shes a christian who kneels to a higher power known to some as Jesus Christ or God... im a reckless carefree guy who holds no man in higher perspective... shes an angel and im a demon...so...how does something like this work... simple really...well...maybe not...but we both have the same plan in mind...ya know...helping people in the end...so maybe im not so much of that demon... damnit jill....why did you have to go off and kiss me...i was sapposed to kiss you and then i wouldnt have to worry about any of this shit anymore...but you opened a door that i cant seem to get shut...as i live below the earth and you live raised above it...youve open the plains of earth and the hold from the sky to the center is open...i see the light and you see the darkness...meeting in the middle of this place called earth seems inevitable now...one day...not today...its christmas...i have previous engagments that wont allow me to do that...or i should say you have previous engagments... so i wished upon a falling star....and i wished for something with you...perhaps it shall come true...perhaps it wont... beauity defined in every aspect...hold my hand...live life one more day for me... jill....im...yhea...here...im here....if you ever need anything... Current Mood: crappy Current Music: big and rich - holy water (Give a Damn)
Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
7:50 pm	i kissed the girl... well...today was a day to remember...so heres how it went... theres this girl Jill...perfect christian girl with no wrong doings in her life...haha, yhea right...but she just seems perfect...ya know? so, we go out on a date cause shes back for the holidays from collage in washington state.... well, things kept going arye and things wernt going as planned...finally she calls me up saying she can do somethin...so she comes over to my house and we start things off... i bought her some flowers earlier...2 red roses...and wrote her a poem and put it in an expensive frame...as a gift... we ended up going to the huddle..a little coffeeshop not far from my house...so we go and eat there...well...get milkshakes anyways, she got a chocolate milkshake and i myself got one as well along with a capachino....damn it was good!!! so we were just chillin and talkin for like 3 hours like we do...she had to leave because her mom needed the car back to run some errands...so im takin her back to my house to get her car...and well...we were talkin and stuff...and all that good shit... but when we got to the house...i look at her...and gave her a huge hug...and told her...hey...im gonna give you a little kiss...and your not gonna say no...a kiss ive been waiting to put on this girl for about a year...ever since we first met... so...we turn twords eachother...and bam...she lays one on me!!! and im like all in shock....2 hours in dreamland i was....just in a haze...almost like a drunken haze...it was like...i dunno...different but so good...something i never would have hoped for but it happened...and im just amazed... so jill...i'lll be thinkin of you and i hope you have a safe trip back to washington... damn...why they all gotta move out west on me...im gonna go see her one of these days...when i dont know...but i will...an oath i swear upon myself... Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: she cant say i diddent cry (Give a Damn)
Sunday, December 19th, 2004
7:38 am	...Curious... so i decided to take a crack at my old account...and low and behold i remembered it all... anyways...heres an update on my life i guess... im living in ohio for a few more months, i promised a friend id be here at least until she had her baby... im planning to move either to the deep south or alaska to work construction with a friend of mine (my back is doing so much better!!!!!!!!!!!!!) i currently need a cigarette... im currently smoking a cigarette... ive got a date with a girl named Jill, the perfect christian girl who you wouldnt even think about getting some from cause shes just not like that and prolly wont be till marrige...but ya know...the kinda girl i could settle down with...but it wont get that far, so im not worried about it... i work more than i should and therefor dont have time for relationships...but do keep in contact with friends and such as much as i can...as of now i was bored and livejournal popped into my head and i said why not... there are people in my life who i miss...i feel like they should remain nameless...but what the hell... a girl named April...hmhm, we had some good wrestling matches....a couple guys named carl and caleb...yhea i even miss you Janelle....its been a long time sence we talked, and i miss that charm of yours when your not workin your ass to the bone!! well, i guess this is where i say merry christmas to all and bah humbug since i'll more likly be spending it alone due to events out of my control!!! yipee...i get to sit around the house and drink alone!!! all my friends are with their families...and im not driving 400 miles to see my family...especially since i only have one day off....i remember christmas 3 years ago...that shit was bad....yhea...bein played for a fool by a girl...hmhm...never again i say...prolly why ive stayed out of the loop for so long...who knows really...besides me that is...and then im not even sure... well im out...not like anyone ever reads this...or will read this...or like im ever gonna go look at it again...so whatever i guess....later Current Mood: restless Current Music: hank willians jr. - liquor to like her (Give a Damn)
Monday, December 23rd, 2002
1:28 pm	livin my life in a slow hell... ive been living my life in a slow hell...delaying the inevitable really... i was just kicked out of my house in ohio... im staying with friends for the moment...other than that im living out of my car... i dont have any money and i dont have a whole lot of options...they say get a job...ive been looking for almost 2 months...nothings hiring and if they are im not qualified because i dont have the credentials...its horrible really.... im lookin at the world from this point of view...if there was a way i could go back in time and say back to when i was workin at plasti pak i would go back and i would work my ass off through the pain and i would make sure i could hold on to my own sanity and hold onto my own self of being...it was some hard work...but i pulled through and i made it just fine for sooooo long...now look at me...im just a child whining and whimpering and crying... im like a lost little poodle crying my eyes out cause i dont know where i am and i cant sniff out the path... im like a snake being chased by a pocher for my rattle and trying to escape but making too much noise and getting cought in the hell that ive created... im like a mouse that looked the cat straight in the eyes and realized my life was over cause i was cornered and had nowhere to go... LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY.... IF YOU EVER GET INTO A POSITION WHERE YOU THINK LIFES OVER...YOU THINK ALL THAT IS TRUE HAS ENDED THEN FORGET IT...KEEP FIGHTING FOR ALL YOUVE GOT... IVE GOT A GIRL WAITING ON ME WHEN I GET BACK TO WHERE I NEED TO BE...WHERE I SHOULD BE NOW...BUT I CANT GET THERE CAUSE I AINT GOT A PLACE TO GO... JUST LISTEN TO ME...NOTHING IN LIFE IS AS HARD AS IT SEEMS...AND SOME SHIT SEEMS PRETTY HARD...LET GO OFF ALL THE HATRED AND ANGER IN YOUR LIFE AND LET YOUR PASSION AND FEAR DRIVE YOU TO WHERE YOU NEED TO BE...NEVER SURRENDER....NEVER GIVE UP HOPE...ONE DAY YOU WILL TRULY FIND HAPPYNESS... THEY SAY HEAVEN EXISTS...I CANT SAY IT DOES OR NOT...BUT ITS SAPPOSED TO BE A PLACE OF SUPREME HAPPYNESS AND ALL....IS A DREAM REALLY A SUBCONSIOUS ANSWER TO A QUESTION WE DONT KNOW HOW TO ASK....WHO KNOWS....LETS JUST TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME AND FIGURE OUT THAT WE REALLY ARE WHO WE NEED TO BE AND EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON AND THERES NOTHING THAT WE CAN DO ABOUT IT NOW...LIVING OUR LIVES IN A SLOW HELL... FOR LOVE......FOR HONOR......FOR OURSELVES..... Current Mood: determined Current Music: kid rock - picture (1 Huh | Give a Damn)
Tuesday, July 30th, 2002
7:14 pm	so its been a while i would update this more often but i cant...so i wont... me and jamie are as strong as ever... umm... i miss my friends... ummm...im sweating... well...i need a shower...im out.... Current Mood: blah (Give a Damn)
Friday, July 5th, 2002
4:18 pm	i had a good 4th, the fireworks went off if you know what i mean!! i woke up about a quarter past noon on the 4th, took a shower and headed over to jamies before i left to goto jeanellas....the plan was to be gone by one....well...we couldnt let go of eachother...then her parents left...well, we were kissin and huggin and not wanting to go...she had work at 4...it was already 1:30, then it was 2, then before we knew it we were on her couch making love...we had sex...and it was amazing really, i still cant believe that she got me off in bed...im like wow, thats all i can say...shes the only one thats been able to do that...i hope me and her are together for a long ass time, its nice to be with someone like her....theres so much about her that i love, theres so much about her family that i love...theres just so much i cant explain it.... Current Mood: grateful Current Music: i hear fans!! (Give a Damn)
Tuesday, July 2nd, 2002
4:21 am	goin out of my mind these days like im walkin round in a haze i cant think straight i cant concentrate and i need to shave i goto work and i look tired the bossman says son your gonna get fired this aint your stile hide behind my coffee cup i just smile what a beautiful mess what a beautiful mess im in spending all my time with you theres nothing else id rather do what a sweet addiction that im cought up in cause i cant get enough to stop the hunger for your love what a beautiful mess what a beautiful mess im in this mornin put salt in my coffee put my shoes on the wrong feet im loosin my mind i swear it might be the death of me but i dont care what a beautiful mess what a beautiful mess im in spending all my time with you theres nothing else id rather do what a sweet addiction that im cought up in cause i cant get enough to stop the hunger for your love what a beautiful mess what a beautiful mess im in is it your eyes it is your smile all i know is that your driving me wild what a beautiful mess what a beautiful mess im in spending all my time with you theres nothing else id rather do what a sweet addiction that im cought up in cause i cant get enough to stop the hunger for your love what a beautiful mess what a beautiful mess im in yhea thats how i feel bout jamie Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Diamond Rio - Beautiful Mess (Give a Damn)
4:15 am	Fusion became us were together again...me and jamie... some may say im stupid and not let me know it...others will tell me flat out... some tried to tell me to stay away and not do it...but i denied their advice... some told me to do what i will...and that i tried to do... shes brought out something in me that i never thought was true... but i wanna thank everyone for listening to me and trying to help me out with this...maybe i am making the wrong decision...maybe im making the right one...only one way to find out right...well...ya know what...im livin this for what its worth...im gonna ride this pony till she cant be rode no more...ya know what im talkin about? but im making mac and cheese...and its soundin sooooooo goooood!!! yummy yummy in my tummy!!! im out...thanx again all...im not super happy...but i am happy none the less. Current Mood: optimistic Current Music: Diamond Rio - Beautiful Mess (2 Huhs | Give a Damn)
Saturday, June 29th, 2002
12:55 pm	so im not dead...could be...should be...but im not....just in a rage....making rash decisions.... well, its been rough these past few weeks... girlfriend fuckin dumps me...tells me she loves me...ya know...the usual line of bullshit...promises she'll never walk away...uhh huh...yhea...scotts hurt...but ya know what...*sigh* im depressed and it sucks...i just wanna be happy...and i was for a lil bit...for like the first time ever i let out my rage...and it felt good...i wish i coulda done it to her face though...but no..just to her best friend and my brother...now im home in michigan...but im doin all right...no im not...i just wanna be loved...not played.... Current Mood: crappy (6 Huhs | Give a Damn)
Tuesday, June 11th, 2002
4:18 am	I DONT KNOW WHY EVERY TIME I WANNA FLY SOMEBODY ALWAYS TRIES TO HOLD ME DOWN............. MY BROTHERS A FUCKIN ASSHOLE.... SAID I COULD DO BETTER..... WELL FUCK HIM... IVE HEARD THAT LINE ALL MY FUCKIN LIFE..... ONE YEARS WAIT.....THEN IM OUT....FUCK THIS ITS GONNA SUCK..... I DUNNO WHY....EVERYTIME I WANNA FLY...SOMEBODY ALWAYS TRYS TO HOLD ME DOWN, IM LOOSING MY FAITH EVERY SINGLE TIME I TRY THE WATERS BY MY SIDE DONT LET ME DROWN..... Current Mood: enraged Current Music: Tommy Lee - Hold Me Down (3 Huhs | Give a Damn)
Monday, June 10th, 2002
2:42 am	scotts kinda depressed..... i'll hold your hand...and i'll keep your secrets.... but whos gonna hold my hand and keep my secrets.... im falling for jamie a bit fast...she gave me head...like damned good head...still couldnt get me off...but it happens...... Current Mood: sad Current Music: Chad Brock - She Said Yes (Give a Damn)
Friday, June 7th, 2002
3:32 pm	she lied to me... she never broke up with her boyfriend..... now its my time to step in and tell her how it is...me or him....all or nothing.... YOU DO NOT FUCKING PLAY WITH SCOTTS EMOTIONS AND EXPECT TO GET AWAY WITH JUST A SLAP ON THE BACK AND A LIL ENCOURAGEMNT............ scott is angry now.....scotts not lettign anyone know hes angry....the second she tells me though...im gonna walk away...and punch something hard....real hard..... scotts just gettin into a mess....scotts seeing the signs that he saw in all prevoius relationships....if she wants me...and wants my trust...this is not how its fuckin done... Current Mood: infuriated (4 Huhs | Give a Damn)
Tuesday, June 4th, 2002
4:25 am	talk about livin and livin well i asked her out...she said yes... ME AND JAMIE ARE FUCKING GOING OUT!!!! *DANCES AROUND THE ROOM YELLING AT INATIMATE OBJECTS CAUSE HES JUST SO DAMNED HAPPY* heres how it all went down... we went to a park..i got her a rose...it was pretty and smelled good!!! then there we were...just talkin...and kinda makin out...i asked her...hey..we goin out...she said yes...and im like what the fuck..no were not...you diddent ask me out i diddent ask you...then she tries asking me out...im like fuck that...its my duty to ask the lady..so i asked her...and she said yes!!!!!!! scotts so happy scotts so happy scotts so happy!!!!!!! im gonna go pee...something hurts a lot...earlier it was by damned ballz cause the way i was laying on her...ya know...right on top in the back seat her leg between my legs in a position to where they crush your balls....then theres the fact that i was doin somethin else through jeans and it hurt somethin of mine....*sigh* but im lovin every minuite...(thinks...damn...me and her are moving pretty quick) i better slow down a bit...this 3 day rest should give me time to sort things out...and her too!!! (no we did not fuck!!!) *smiles* scotts happy and he knows it!! *claps his hands* Current Mood: excited (5 Huhs | Give a Damn)
Wednesday, May 29th, 2002
3:11 am	on or off the record...i dont give a damn latly.... for all that care...im comming up for my graduation on the 4th 5th and 6th... an another note...me and jamie are one step coser...i told her my feelings of everything i want in a relationship...everything they say to me...it brings me one step closer to the edge...and im about to break...and if i do...i dunno... but i hope me and her are together before i come up to michigan, just so i can think of her every second im in michigan...i will anyways...but ya know...it would just be so nice to have her in my mind without any worries, im out...kinda mellow...gonna smoke and leave this place... Current Mood: mellow Current Music: silence... (3 Huhs | Give a Damn)
Monday, May 27th, 2002
3:04 am	well i just heard the news today seems my life is gonna change she told me...she told me something after i told her what i wanted... what i wanted in a relationship....to feel love...to be loved...to love....to feel something ive never felt before...love shared between two people that just cant be explained... i want to feel something that ive wanted to feel all my life...and i want it to mean something to the both of us....i told her that...then she told me...she told me that she was gonna try and break up with her boyfriend...she really wants to be with me...and she knows where she needs to be...yet...something still feels wrong...i told her that i would talk to her boyfriend and tell him whats up after they broke up..just so there can be peace and all that between us all...going the extra mile...and going where i need to go....i know im not going where i cant go...im right where i need to be....that one dream i had is still kinda bothering me though.... all i want is to be with her, this is the first time ive felt like this in a long time....im still confused...but i hope everything works out...i hope everything will be ok... Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Pearl Jam - Better Man (Give a Damn)